Buzzword Managers

Have you ever had a manager who spoke -- and believed -- in management buzzwords?

At GECITS, a multinational IT service provider, I had a manger who would come back from the latest executive warm-and-fuzzy meeting with all the latest buzzwords firmly implanted in his vocabulary. Whatever had just been spouted by the executive, my manager insisted that we would all follow along. Only trouble was, as often as not, he did not understand the words that he had memorised.

Do you need new -- lateral -- thinking for your own problems? email nick leth at gmail dot com. Need solutions? No worries. Now.

He was a senior and climbing manager but he was not a great manager. He was a fine example of promotion-by-agreeing-with-your-manager -- until he fell. On the other hand, he did give me one very excellent piece of advice. Which I may pass on... maybe. But not today. Anyway:

Have you ever had a manager like that, one who heard the latest ideas, failed to understand the latest ideas, insisted that all subordinates followed those latest ideas?

Here's today's example

We were sitting in a cafe, sipping coffee, eating a blueberry muffin. It was the StreetPerson Cafe... not the official name. There are youth-oriented posters. The staff wear grungy clothes (jeans, woolen beanies, food-stained tee shirts, that sort of thing). Food and coffee are fine, service is friendly. We think the manager is aiming for the young, modern image -- in a staunchly middle-class shopping centre. We call it the StreetPerson Cafe.

So we are sitting, sipping, nibbling... and reading the literature that comes with the cafe. I was browsing the Feb 2010 issue of BOSS, which appears to be a monthly liftout that comes with The Australian Financial Review. There was an article on trends, either past or coming.

(And here I should apologise. I was just skim-reading. The coffee was good, the company was good, the magazine was just for light entertainment. So all facts in the post may be completely false, even the ones shown as "direct quotes".)

From BOSS: "The information superhighway has become the information supertollway. We now buy our books, clothes, food, services on the internet." What is wrong with that comment?

Well, okay, I'm a bit behind the times. I didn't even realise that the information highway had become the information super highway. Now consider that clever change of words, from superhighway to supertollway...

What do you do on a highway? You travel. What do you do on a tollway? You pay to travel. No, you do not buy anything on a tollway, except the right to travel on that road. If we want to buy our books, clothes, food, services... we may drive along the tollway -- but only to get to the shops -- where we do the actual buying.

So: "The information superhighway has become the information supertollway. We now buy our books, clothes, food, services on the internet." Those two sentences cover unrelated topics. Yet the editors of BOSS considered that they -- the two sentences -- were clever enough to be printed as one joined buzzphrase. What a bunch of idiots!

If a highway becomes a tollway then you pay to travel. As a separate issue, you may or may not use those tollways to travel to your shop of choice. Yes, the toll may cause you to choose shops in a more convenient location. But you will not be driving along the tollway buying food and clothes.

This is typical of the foolish manager's use of the latest management fads: Read them, quote them -- then demand that your subordinates follow them.

What to do when your manager spouts buzzwords

Your manager reads BOSS. After all, the magazine does target up-and-coming managers with an eye to impressing their own managers... Your manager tells you, "The information superhighway has become the information supertollway. Get out there and sell something on that supertollway."

Do you just quit, in despair of ever getting a sensible manager? No, you play the game...

"Yes, boss, certainly boss, I'll get on it right away!"

Then you tell your own subordinates, ""The information superhighway has become the information supertollway. Give me monthly summaries of our sales via the internet. Starting last month."

"Yes boss," they reply.

Then, each week -- just before your boss thinks of asking for it -- you give your boss "your" report: the figures provided by your subordinates plus your own 200 words. These words will either (a) blame someone else if trends are down, or (b) praise your boss, yourself... and your team... if trends are up. At least 50 of the words will promise vast, future improvements.

You are now well on your way to upward management mobility.

Oh, and if you also want to be a good manager... Don't waste too much time on the supertollway reporting. Get it out of the way as quickly and painlessly as possible. And spend the rest of the time actually being a good manager.

Independent thinking & independent analysis of your problems by Agamedes Consulting. Support for your thought: email nick leth at gmail dot com