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We have a dripping tap in the garden. Not so much a drip, more a continuous flow. The tap won't stop, so we leave the end of the hose lying in the garden. May as well be watering something while it's leaking.
We use a lot of water. So much, that we get complimentary comments on every water bill. You know, the extra little note that says, You are using twice as much water as anyone else in your street? Makes us feel proud and pleased to be noticed.
Still, with the cost of water set to double, we may need to reduce our use of water. The last thing we want to do is to pay so much that Water Corp can afford more of those smug little ads, the ones that show how much water they have sold. They pretend that they are encouraging us to use less water! Hah! All they're doing is bragging, letting us know that water sales are up so Water Corp can afford those pretty little ads.
We support lawn and natives out the front. The lawn turns brown in summer because we follow the water conservation guidelines for automatic reticulation. Out the back, our vegie patch spent years as a dry and dusty sand-bowl... No self-respecting vegie will survive on the allowed water. Still, we've had some success since starting grey water re-use. Not that anyone is willing to eat the vegetables which have thrived on recycled wash water...
Our garden tap has leaked for years. There's a tiny spot of green where we drop the end of the hose in the garden. With the cost of water set to double, we can no longer afford to support that spot of green.
Time to call in a plumber.
The leaky plumber
The last plumber we hired was to fix an overflow problem with the solar hot water system. There's a pipe runs down the side of the house, with various pieces of mystic plumbing paraphernalia near the end. Whatever the paraphernalia is, it allows a steady drip of water to escape down the pipe.We sit a pot plant under the drip. When the pot plant died of over-watering, we called a plumber. He was obviously an expert; his plumber's certificate was very colourful (though the ink was still a bit damp).
No worries, said the young expert, It just needs a stronger pressure [garble plumber-tech garble].
Okay, we said, Go to it.
The plumber replaced the pressure [garble plumber-tech garble], took our youngest child as down payment and departed. Next day I called the plumber's employer.
Why, I asked, Does our pipe leak faster than ever?
This time we were visited by an older plumber. He did not show us his Plumber's Certificate of Meritorious Overcharging. He simply did... something... and fixed the new problem. We agreed that we could now live with the original, somewhat slower, leak.
I'm not sure if burnt hands apply to plumbing. Nevertheless, we decided to search for a different firm of plumbers.
Piping in expertise
We called West Atlas Plumbers.Can you fix a leaking tap? we asked.
No worries, they replied. Do you have a nearby lake, river or ocean? We'll divert all the leakage there, just while we check your site for dodgy plugs. Then we'll pump in a few tonnes of mud, perhaps with some under-strength concrete, just to see what happens. Call in a few international experts, just to look good, we won't follow their advice. Shouldn't take long, just a few weeks... You can move out of your house, can't you?
We'll get back to you, we lied.
We called Mexico Gulf Oil & Gas Plumbing.
It's not our fault, said the operator. We may have installed the pipes but the tap came from China. And the plumber was a subbie... What's that? We didn't install the tap? Why didn't you say so! Of course we can fix it! We've never done work like that before, how hard can it be? Is there any water pressure? You see, we only have some cling film to stop the water flow while we work on the tap... Should be enough, I mean, we use cling film in all sorts of other places... No, I know we've never seen your pipes before... But we've never worked on water pipes anywhere, so what's the difference? Anyway, we'll sub-contract all the work so that you can sue someone else if it all goes wrong...
We couldn't interrupt, they weren't listening, so we hung up the phone. Time to try someone else.
Hello, Mia Resort Sewage & Treatment Systems... Can we help? Yes, certainly, we fix leaking taps. Sewage & Treatment? Well, yes, that's our name. We're changing our business focus. There's a bit of a stink at the moment, you know, people catching nasty diseases from dying dolphins, that sort of thing. No, not our fault, of course not! No-one can find the leak, so how can it be our fault? Anyway, we'll fix your dolphin problem, if you have one -- get rid of the lot of them.
After polite thank-yous, we said goodbye.
Perhaps we'll live with our leaking tap. Not that we have anything against plumbers. We just don't want any of them near our property.
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